Best For Last

What do you believe and why?

I believe a lot of things.

I believe that the Earth is round and not shaped like a banana, and that it is, in fact, the sun that is the center of our solar system. I believe that the grass is green, the sky is blue, the sun is yellow, and the clouds are white. I believe in a world full of different colors, and I don't just mean the scenery. I believe that everyone has a story to tell, and that some are just more willing to be read than others. I believe in optimism and keeping a positive outlook on life. I believe music is the second language that everyone speaks; the first is love and everything that comes with it: hate, pain, and joy. I believe in trivial things, too: that I'll someday get to meet my favorite movie star and travel the world to my heart's content.

I also believe in life after death. With God. And hopefully with the people I knew, know, and will get to know in the future.

Why?

For me, it's the only thing that makes sense. I've often questioned the point of mankind's existence. I mean, really, if there is nothing waiting for us after death, if this is the only life we have, why waste time being good and following the rules? I'd be the first one to say, "Hey everyone, since this is the only shot we get, let's make the most of it! Alcohol, sex, drugs! Once that loses it's fun, we can try some other lifestyle. And move on again and again, until someday we drop dead. Our parents, teachers, and church pastors will be disappointed with the choices we made, but it's not like it's going to matter, because once we're all dead, it's over. And sooner or later, the people that knew you will die, too, and no one will know that you ever existed. But if you really hate your existence and don't want to waste anther ounce of energy partying your life away, finish it now."

I know these are rather dangerous thoughts to harbor, but I've learned to live with them.

I remember during fourth grade thinking, 'Why do I try so hard in school? What if I just turned into one of those "bad kids?" When I die it won't matter.' Of course, this was when I had a lot of different theories as to what happened to a person after he/she died. I had some rather creative ideas back then.

I used to think reincarnation as a different person was possible. I also sometimes wondered whether mankind was just some big experiment conducted by aliens, and that the whole God thing was just a factor to see how we would react to different religions. I also sometimes thought that I was the only person who was actually alive and everyone else was fake, and aliens were testing me to see my different reactions when I was interacting with different "people."

Of course, I still have these thoughts every once in a while.

You may be wondering how a girl who believes she's this big experiment for aliens can believe in God.

Well, for me, it's all about purpose. I believe that without God, life doesn't have any meaning to it. And the fact that I'm existing leads me to believe that there has to be some reason why I'm here. What can that reason be? I have no idea, I'm still figuring that out for myself, but I'm sure that there has to be a purpose for living.

Because, seriously, if there's no purpose in living, why even bother?

And for those of you who know me, yes, all of these thoughts are where my "In twenty years it won't matter" philosophy comes from. I know it seems like an odd thing for a Christian to believe, but it's something that somehow came naturally from my own life musings and late-night talks with Lauren (click here for her blog). It's because I know that God won't shut me out of Heaven even if I bomb the SAT (which I will be taking for the first time in January and sincerely hope I don't bomb) or completely mess up in life. It's the comfort of knowing that, no matter how bad something seems at the moment, in the long run, and sometimes the really long run, it'll somehow manage to turn itself into an amusing cocktail party anecdote.

I have so much more to say, but my thoughts are all jumbled and I think I've stretched your attention span far enough, that is, if you even made it all the way to the end of this post. If you did, I commend you for not being intimidated by the lengthy look that this post had. Please don't think I'm crazy for thinking that we're some experiment conducted by aliens, but if you do, well, that's your opinion, think what you like.

But I really do hope you think about your life seriously and what you're doing with it.

- I. Lee -